Keep Smiling

Where is our Neighborhood Idiot?

by Lew Lefton, lew.lefton@gmail.com

Our neighborhood is home to all kinds of people.  I know folks in Winnona Park who are artists, musicians, photographers, painters, teachers, nymphomaniacs, doctors, lawyers, convicted felons, gardeners, chefs, pastors, businesswomen, biologists, witches, historians, and even mathematicians!  Ha, ha, gotcha! Just kidding, I don’t actually know any professional chefs in the neighborhood.

But there is one very special kind of person who seems to be totally missing among us, and that’s the neighborhood idiot. Before you start naming names, pointing fingers or, heaven forbid, searching the archives of the neighborhood email list, hear me out. I’m talking about functional idiots, not the mentally deficient people with an IQ below 30 (blame Wikipedia if you don’t like the latter definition). I mean the kind that cut you off on I-285 while they’re texting, not the kind that make you sort of sadly miss your cousin.

There are probably many among us who think we might actually know (or be) the neighborhood idiot.  I assure you that, even if you have spent all afternoon at the beer festival, it’s not you. The problem is that our neighborhood seems to have been initially populated with bright, decent and productive people. And more of their ilk have been attracted here or born here over the years. As a result, we suffer from a Lake Wobegon effect, where everyone is above average.

Yet, the world is full of idiots, so if they aren’t here, where are they? I have a theory. I think that somewhere out there is an “anti-Winnona Park” neighborhood where everyone is an idiot! I can’t be sure where it is, and I am actually rather concerned about it. If one of us from the non-idiot Winnona Park neighborhood accidentally interacts with someone from the “anti-Winnona Park” neighborhood, both people could be annihilated in a quantum puff of logic, leaving nothing but a bland residue of mediocrity! 

I don’t want to be alarmist, but I am firmly convinced the “anti-Winnona Park” neighborhood exists. It could be in a distant land, or it may be just outside the perimeter! Since I don't know where it is, as a precaution, I suggest you avoid interacting with any idiots at all.

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